Stuff for ‘Canes Fans to Stress About this Summer
With only 77 days left until kickoff, some of you might find yourself care-free, not worried if taking a different route to work will mean that our WRs run the wrong route, not worried that wearing something different the night before game day will result in our QB being concussed the next afternoon. While others of you are so frantic for football season to start that you are grasping at any sort of information out there about the ‘Canes right now and blowing it way out of proportion and taking it to have some huge dire consequence for the upcoming season. No offense, but most people who read sports blogs fall into the latter category.
Do I want you to worry? No. This blog on things to worry about is actually supposed to have the opposite intent: to show you, the superfan, how ridiculous your thoughts are. So, think if the following stressors apply to you, and if they do, it’s time to gain a little perspective. Here we go . . .
(1) Our Secondary Sucks
I hear this one a lot from fans, on and off the blog. It usually involves a prolonged whine about how Brandon Harris was our entire secondary. Really? I thought he was just a CB. Do you remember that guy from Sanford, FL who knocked the living [censored] out of Demarco Murray during the ’09 Chokelahoma game? His name is Ray Ray Armstrong and he’s um, good. Is he as good as the number 26 warrants? Time will tell. He’s entering his junior year, people, and he has a coach who [ostensibly] doesn’t play favorites or bench people for not doing things EXACTLY how they were coached. Give the guy a chance. There’s also that guy who gets comparisons to the best safety ever, Ed Reed. His name is Vaughn Telemaque and while I’ve been more impressed with his interviews with Joe Rose than his play on the field, the boy does have talent. Let’s wait and see what happens.
So, those are our safeties. Let’s get to CB.
Or not. This article is supposed to calm you down. Maybe we should wait and see who does well in August practices before we jump off a bridge about that.
(2) Oh My God I Will Shoot Myself if Jacory Harris Throws One More Interception
My boy bg1906 will have an article addressing Jacory Harris in the near future, so I’m going to keep this simple. The last time Jacory Harris played was in the bowl game and his performance was nothing short of comical and/or sad. What happened to this kid?!?! Where is the kid who saved the day against UVA and Duke in ’08? Where is the kid who got knocked the [censored] down by Greg Reid at Choke at Doak ’09 and still won the game? Who is this loser? Well, we can all speculate as to what happened. We can blame Randy Shannon and/or Mark Whipple, we can blame the offensive line (not rationally in ’10 but whatever), or we can blame Jacory himself. But all of that is subject to opinion and in the past. What we do know is that Golden is giving Jacory a chance, Jacory is gaining weight, and that whomever does play QB will have an awesome offensive line protecting him. So, again, let’s wait and see what happens. Whomever starts come September 5, I am confident that coach Golden will not stand for an interception machine and that anyone resembling one will be riding the pine so fast his Raiders overalls will spin. Tweet that.
I’m not talking about buffalo chicken dip left to munch on after the game. I’m talking about the ones who got away. Every team has them. Off-season transfers. Especially with a new coaching regime. People like to take these instances and make wild predictions, both optimistic and pessimistic, about what they mean. Storm Johnson’s father will have you believe Golden was running a military dictatorship, meanwhile Storm is now headed to a program where much worse has gone on than being told to lay off the ganja and take your head out of your [censored]. I implore you, Hurricane faithful, to have faith. All we know is that people are leaving right now. Are we cutting fat or um, muscle? Good question. But something tells me Coach Golden and staff know more about these players and coaching football than YOU do (no really, that’s why you are an attorney and Golden doesn’t call your drunk [censored] down on the sidelines on fourth down and ask your opinion on whether they should go for it) so lighten up and believe in this guy until he gives you a reason not to.
(4) My Miami Coaches Polo Was Responsible for the FSWho Loss
If you aren’t superstitious, you haven’t been rooting for the ‘Canes in the last 5-6 years. I remember going to ‘Canes games in undergrad and law school (’99-’06) being worried more about who I was going to see or how good my hair would look in 1001% humidity because I knew the ‘Canes would play well. What do I worry about now? Has this dress ever seen a catastrophic loss? What about these shoes? This handbag? This tailgate dish? And most importantly, is there enough liquor in the stadium to sedate me if the starting QB starts playing for the other team? And, if so, is Patron lucky or is Smirnoff? And is it luckier if I buy it for all my friends and tip well? I think it is. Another round, please!
The truth is, there is only so much we can control. It doesn’t matter if we serve the EXACT same dishes at our tailgate that brought us the Chokelahoma win in ’09. Nor the same outfit. Our ‘Canes can stink up the stadium no matter what we do. Case in point was my tailgate strike following the FSWho game this year. I’m not entirely sure of the details of that evening thanks to my partial lobotomy, but it was bad enough that I decided that I wasn’t cooking for the next game: UNC. I bought some Bubba Burgers and sausage, threw it on the grill and called it a [cringe] tailgate. I’m not proud of that. But that experience showed me that I truly have no control over how the ‘Canes play. Or maybe the ‘Canes were trying to tell me to keep up the extravagant tailgates and they wouldn’t disappoint me next time.
Either way, I only know one way to be a fan: alllllll the way. As intense as south Florida humidity in August, as bad as drivers on I-95, as ugly as Floriduh croc fans. So despite all this rational thinking, my new game day dresses and handbag are purchased, my tailgate menus are planned out, and I will wear my Mike James jersey to bed the night before and go to church as much as I can during August to pray for my ‘Canes to succeed. That is how I handle my summer stress about what the season ahead has in store for ‘Canes faithful. I urge you to do whatever you can to not freak out about every little bit of info released and keep some perspective.
. . . and in the meantime, gentleman, please burn the aforementioned Miami Coaches Polo and go to allCanes and get a new one. I will not have you ruining another season, thanks.